woke up feeling so goddamn empty inside. it’s like there’s this gaping bullet hole, emptying my decaying body. or like a black hole swallowing me from the inside. something is escaping me and I am too scared to want to notice where it’s all coming from.
1. Suck dick not cigarettes
2. Have more sex but with less people
one of those life moments when I feel completely worthless and hoping it would end.
today is the day i feel completely helpless because i want so many things in life but i just don’t know where to start.
i want something real this time.
i have no name for this feeling. it’s almost prosthetic, dim and imaginary. we are as still as the silent darkness shrouding our naked skin. the stillness slowly evaporates with every steady breath you take. the way your fingers find and traces my back with swirls of absolution and euphoria, the way i am mesmerized by the curves of your lips as you blow the stray eyelash off my cheek. if i could melt like wax on solid bone, i swear at that moment i would have. hide me under. pull me close. we are almost there and we only got until sunrise.
i wish i knew what you were thinking so we can just cut the bullshit and i can make things right all the time. because i want to do this right this time. i believe you deserve that kind of respect and privilege. well at least i think you do. i hope i am at least right this time around.
Those cheeky moments when either one of us would casually bring up each other’s sleeping habits. Okay.
that first new years kiss is gonna be reserved for you. that and hopefully many other firsts for years to come.
It is so fucking difficult to pin point the exact location where the agony begins and where it might end. I need an extreme motivation for this. And i am gonna start with I WILL NOT DIE IF I DO THIS as one of them.
After 8 years, there shouldn’t be an excuse to be desperate. By right, the pool of choices should diminish itself into a small group of very worthy individuals. or not. Desperation is when you would rather see pass all the imperfections and list of opposing qualities you originally hated by thinking you can change them into what you wanted. Maybe you can but honestly, AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT.
its never the alcohol & drugs combination you should be worried about. It’s the vessel that carries that misguided soul, that lonely desperate and sad soul that just needed to act out for attention.